Thoughts From the Middle of the Night
“Count it all joy…” is Not what I want to be reminded of at 4 am when my son is in one of his “eat every-two hours because I want to be awake when the world is sleeping” phases. I shouldn’t have prayed for God to make me mindful of him in all things. Early this morning, my mental struggle looked something like this:
You are awake again?
Count it all joy.
I more than slightly envy my sleeping husband (note: he frequently gets up and lets me sleep through the middle of the night. This just happened to be my turn).
Count it all joy.
I’ve never been so tired in my life.
Count it all joy.
I’d rather sulk.
Count it all joy.
Ugh.
In What Did You Expect, Tripp says that every passage of scripture that talks about God, humankind, and his grace-filled solution to our sin struggles is a “marriage” passage (not just the ones that mention marriage). The same could be said about having a kid. Unfortunately Jack isn’t old enough to choose to annoy mom by being hungry at inopportune times, so I can’t blame him. As I see my impatience, my weakness, my selfishness, I just see more and more my need for God to refine the seemingly mundane areas of my life.
As frustrating as this is to wrestle with at 4 am, I find that there is some of the “peaceful fruit” of Hebrews 12:11 lingering throughout the day. God’s desire for me to not live in self-pity is one I am thankful for. The alternative is a much more appealing state in which to live (especially for those who have to live around me).
Sarah,
Reminding you God is the only one who never gets tired.
I so remember those days of no sleep. Actually, it happens again when they become teenagers and can drive and praying seemed more necessary. Consider you are in training. Ha. Parenting is a process and combinations of wrestling and being overwhelmed with joy. In my sane times, I treasured those intimate times with just me and our baby boys. At times I had numerous conversations with them then, that I’m sure they didn’t comprehend at all, but it helped me to learn early how to communicate heart to heart with them. Other times it was just being still with them without words because I had no energy to speak. You’re normal..I think those words helped me more than anything because I wanted to be the perfect mom and yet had these up and down emotions of not knowing exactly what to do with this precious baby God had entrusted to us. I think many times we have this preconceived idea of how we are going to teach our baby so much, but in turn, they actually teach us. So I say this to encourage you that you have exactly what it takes, Christ in you. I will pray for these rough times to be smoothe and for new lessons for both you, Jack and Jerry. I can’t wait to hold him and have my own conversations with him as you and Jerry celebrate your year anniversary soon. We’re so excited for you all. What a jorney you all have experienced and much more to come. We love you. Lori B