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I don’t pray much. Yeah, I often pray as I go from place to place and I almost always pray when we’re in a crisis. I pray over my food a lot, especially when spiritual people are watching. But I don’t pray nearly as often or with the desperation that I want to.

Lately, I’ve found myself asking why. I think a story from the Gospels has answered that question. In Mark 9:14-29, a man with a son who is possessed by a demon approaches Jesus and asks him to cast the demon out. The man quickly tells Jesus that the disciples tried to cast the demon out but failed. As he does every other time he meets a demon, Jesus orders the evil spirit out, and it obeys. At the end of the story, the disciples ask Jesus, “Why couldn’t we cast it out?”

Jesus replies, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer”- Mark 9:29. It’s somewhat comforting to me to see that the disciples struggled to pray as well. But Matthew’s version of the same story cut me to the core. In his account, Jesus answered the disciples’ question by saying, “Because of your little faith”- Matthew 17:20. See, they didn’t pray for the same reason I don’t: because they, and I, don’t believe God.

If I believed that only God could change my heart, I would beg him to do it instead of trying to beat it into submission with rules. If I believed that he is my only hope for my marriage, I would beg him to draw Sarah and me together instead of working so hard to fix all the broken places myself. If I believed that he is the only one who can transform those around me, I would ask him to save and change and heal rather than passively sitting round being frustrated that they can’t get their acts together.

At the end of the day, I believe in my ability more than his. I believe that I can do most of what I need done myself. If I didn’t I’d ask him for more. My stubborn self-sufficiency often leads me to a faithlessness that shows up as prayerlessness.

I really want to believe that just like he did in the saving me and bringing me to himself, God is able and willing to do for me what I can’t do for myself. I need daily reminders of my helplessness and his incredible yearning to act on my behalf. I find myself saying with the man in Mark 9, “I believe (a little). Help my unbelief.”

Last year, I read for less than I did in 2009, so I tried to choose carefully. These are the best six books I read in 2010.

1. Radical- David Platt. The American Dream calls us to self-actualization, personal fulfillment, material accumulation, and self-esteem. Jesus calls his followers to self-denial, personal sacrifice, material simplicity, and God’s glory. David Platt may be one of the most prophetic voices in our culture today. In this short, powerful book, he calls followers of Christ back to a biblical Christianity instead of a Christianized spin on the American Dream. For those who are concerned about the poor and hurting around the world and who long to see the Gospel go to the nations, this book is a must read.

2. Counterfeit Gods- Tim Keller. With his typical Gospel-saturated, culturally savvy style, Keller examines the follies of idolatry. After defining idolatry in chapter 1 (which is worth the price of the whole book), Keller dissects the most common idols in our culture: love, family, success, power, and money. In the last chapter of the book, he points to Jesus as the only solution to our idols and the Gospel as the only hope for breaking free from their grasp. Like Radical, this is a painful read, but painful in a good way, in a way that drives us to the only one who can cleanse us from our idols.

3. Adopted for Life- Russell Moore. As those who have been adopted by God, Christians must care about the orphans of the world. Moore lays a theological foundation of our adoption into God’s family and then tells us what that should lead us into with regards to tens of millions of orphans around the globe. In the last part of the book, he deals with some practical questions surrounding adoption and gives sound advice for those who want to love others who need to be adopted into God’s family.

4. Questioning Evangelism- Randy Newman. Gone are the days of a tract and a couple of simple questions that will lead people to faith in Christ. Newman presents a fresh approach, based on dialogue rather than a diatribe-like presentation of the Gospel. He uses skillful apologetics, humor, and whit to train believers in sharing their faith in Jesus in a way that actually respects and engages those with whom they share. This is a valuable tool for any who want to learn to share the Gospel effectively in a culture that’s increasingly hostile to it.

5. The Search for God and Guinness- Steven Mansfield. If someone had told me twenty years ago that one of my favorite books would be about BEER, I would have called them a liar and probably thought they were sent from Satan himself to tell me that. Where I grew up, in the circles I ran in, drinking was one of the biggest vices, right up there with smoking cigarettes, dancing and watching rated R movies. Books like this one cause me to see that there’s a whole other side to faith in Jesus, that there are folks with totally different convictions than those I grew up with, and that some of those folks have changed the world. This book is not first and foremost about beer. It traces the history of the Guinness family and lauds their philanthropy, ingenuity, treatment of their employees, and the faith that undergirds it all. The Guinness family had a passion for God, and that passion caused them to make one of the finest beers in the world (so I’m told). This is a great read.

6. Filling Up the Afflictions of Christ- John Piper. In an age where an overemphasis on prosperity has deluded many and downplayed the countless scriptures that expound upon the value of suffering in the lives of believers, John Piper sounds a clarion call to the church. This biography chronicles the lives of three men who suffered well: William Tyndale, Adoniram Judson, and John Paton. Tyndale, an Englishman, suffered greatly and eventually faced martyrdom to see the Bible translated into English; all who have read God’s word in our language owe him a great debt. Judson, a missionary to Burma, lost two wives and several children, dealt with incredible illness and mental anguish. Nonetheless, he stayed the course in bringing the Gospel to those who had never heard. Paton’s story reads like an action movie; cannibals threatened his life literally every day during his time in the New Hebrides. At the end of his time there, most of the island had come to faith in Christ. Piper concludes the book with a biblical theology of suffering and its role in the life of believers.

A good friend bought us a Kindle for Christmas, and I think we’ll both be reading more next year.
We’d love to hear your comments on your favorite books of the year.

I love authors who are smart enough to foreshadow. It thrills me to see a picture here or hint there that later comes out as a more fully-developed theme or story in a book. I see some foreshadowing in our family these days.

A few weeks back, I asked some good friends if they could see their children’s personalities when they were babies. They said that you can’t predict what your kids will be from how they act when they’re babies but you can look back later and say, “Now I can see that trait was there while they were infants.” Even though he’s only three and a half months old, we see personality traits in Jack that will probably emerge more fully down the road. For example,

He’s an adventurous explorer. From banging on his toys to feeling the texture of trees to listening intently to new sounds or music, our boy loves to engage the world. Watching him enjoy new sites, sounds, smells, and experiences has made them richer for Sarah and me. We feel like he’s going to grow into a person who loves to engage the world and lives life with vigor.

He’s excitable. From my experiences teaching, I think almost every boy has ADD (if there even is such a thing); they come hard wired for it. At the same time, there are degrees of excitability and fidgety-ness in kids. Jack is only still when he sleeps, and even then, not for too long. I picture Jack as one who will run hard and play hard until he exhausts himself and then get up and do it again the next day.

He’s an entertainer and an extrovert. It seems Jack is most happy in a crowd. He’s never met a stranger, and he loves being the center of attention. Even though he can’t really make words, he likes talking so much that he’ll even talk to himself in the mirror. When he knows someone is keyed-into him, he often makes funny little gestures to keep them rapt. I think he’s going to be a life-of-the-party kind of guy.

He’s thoughtful. When Jack does take time to focus on something, he seems to want to examine it and understand it. We’ve seen him stare memorized at everything from our coffee roaster to the flowers on our front porch. It’s like he’s processing, brooding over what’s in front of him.

He’s a stubborn fighter. When the nurse at the hospital swaddled Jack up right after he was born, he busted out fairly quickly. She said, “I’ve never seen a kid fight so hard and get out so fast. He’s strong and stubborn.” If she only knew. The boy blows us away with his strength and his ability to use that strength to resist things he doesn’t like. Though I know this is going to make discipline and training him quite a task for us, I’m excited that God has put those things in his heart. He’ll need them with the places we’re going, and I think that he will be an excellent leader for his brothers and sisters.

He’s a lover. It may be just a Dad’s wishful thinking, but I truly believe that as much as an infant can, Jack loves us. He seems to delight in being with Sarah, people we know and love, and me. I watch him genuinely experience joy when people he likes come around. Though he’ll have relationships a mile wide, we trust he’ll have many that are also miles deep.

Whether we’re right or wrong on all these things in 15 or 20 years, I know one thing: Sarah and I love the kid. I love dreaming big dreams for him. And I’m so glad I get to be his dad and walk with him through all life brings.

I like to exaggerate more than anyone I know. I probably exaggerate more than any person who has ever lived. In fact, every sentence I speak or write is an exaggeration. See, there I go again.

Anyway, since I’ve started roasting my own beans, I get out of bed anxiously anticipating my first cup of coffee. Though some may say this is due to a caffeine addiction, I think there’s more to it than that. Every time I push down that plunger on the French press, tip the pot, and pour myself a cup of joe, I have an anticipation of what’s about to come. Then, after adding a spoonful of brown sugar, I put the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had to my lips. Most mornings, I make some kind of exclamation, varying from “Man, that’s good,” to an indecipherable “Mph.” And every morning, I am GENUINELY convinced that the cup I hold in my still sleeping paw is genuinely best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.

Sarah makes fun of me for things like this. She said that if what I’m saying is true, that if each cup is noticeably better than the day before, then in five years we’ll have the best cup of coffee the world has ever known. I wish she were right.

In reality, though, every cup is probably not better than the cup from the day before. I just expect it to be. The source of the enjoyment, the exclamations is the fact that the anticipation shapes my reaction to that java hitting my lips and tongue.

I wonder if that’s not the approach we should take to the Bible. Over the last few years, God has been bringing me on a journey to see the beauty of the Gospel and the glory of Jesus on each page of Scripture. Whether I’m reading in Judges, Jonah or 1 John my eyes are peeled looking for the Good News of the One who has saved us from our sins. Each narrative, poem, proverb and letter shouts out this plan of God to save a people for Himself. Like a beautiful jewel, its facets are displayed and marveled at from different angles, angles inspired by one God but written by different authors. It’s a lot of perspectives on the same plan, a lot of views of the same story. In his book, What Did You Expect?, Paul David Tripp says, “The central focus of the Bible is not a set of practical-life principles. The central theme of the Bible is a person, Christ.” I am seeing the beauty of that Savior and the glory of that plan of salvation more clearly each day, and my hope is that each time I read the book that proclaims it I’ll exclaim, “That’s the best thing I’ve ever read.”

I’m going back to school. Well, kinda. I don’t have to don a backpack or make a p.b. and j and put it in a Transformers metal lunchbox. I’ll attend class from the comfort of my couch with a cup of coffee in my hand. I’m beginning University of Missouri’s Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages program. As part of that, our teachers asked us to write an introduction about where we grew up and our dreams. It was fun to write. I hope it’s fun to read:

I was born in a town of 900 people where everybody basically looked alike, thought alike, and acted alike. Thirty years later I moved across the ocean to a town of 1.5 million people where everybody basically looked alike, thought alike, and acted alike. I liked the second place better than the first, so I want to go back there. In the middle I dreamed of being everything from a fireman to a professional wrestler to a doctor to a preacher. I tried some of those things, and I have the scars to prove it. Today, I’m still balancing the urge to be responsible and figure out what I want to be when I grow up and the desire to never grow up.

Here’s to milk mustaches!

We chose to name our son Jack Braddock Howard. There wasn’t a lot of debate between us, no sleepless nights tossing and turning, wondering if he’d be scarred forever by our choosing the wrong name. We didn’t want to wait until he was born, size him up, and then choose between five or six names that we had picked out. We just liked this one.

I think at first we liked Jack for a lot of superficial reasons. It’s not trendy. Though it is one of the most popular names in recent years, you can find Jack’s in almost every generation. It’s strong. The curt nature of the word smacks of a rugged man, a man’s man. Plus, there are a lot of Jack’s we like, though our son is named for none of them: Bauer, Johnson, Nicholson, London, Black, or even C.S. Lewis, whose friends called him Jack.

Then one night, Sarah and I looked up the meaning of Jack. It’s a derivative of John, but it’s meaning was so apropos for the stage of life we’re in. It means, “God’s grace,” or “God has been gracious.” At the time we found out Sarah was pregnant, we were living in a free house driving a car that was given to us in a town we hadn’t even heard of two years ago. We were seeing his grace in his provision for us, in the friends he was giving, and in his guidance to places we never would have chosen but were becoming increasingly more grateful for day by day. Grace indeed.

We kicked around a lot of middle names, but we kept coming back to Braddock. We really wanted to honor Sarah’s family by giving our son her maiden name. Again, looking up the meaning made us 100% certain. From Old English, Braddock means “a broad spreading oak.” Psalm 1:1-3: “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Could we have a greater hope for our son, that he would love God and his word, that he would dwell in it, sink his roots deep in it and produce great fruit for the kingdom of God?

So, what’s in a name? For our son, many of our hopes and dreams reside there. We believe that Jack will be a man who grows to love Christ and others well, who tastes grace and produces much fruit that will cause others to taste and see that the Lord is good. My daily prayer has been that he will be more faithful than Sarah and I have been, that he will follow God closely and be spared many of the pains of disobedience and sin. For that to happen, he’ll need lots of grace. I’m so glad we serve a Father who loves to give good gifts to his children.

We spent an amazing weekend with great friends in Louisville, Kentucky learning about orphan care, adoption, and God’s heart for children. Though we both expected to walk away with tons of practical information and resources, I’m not sure either of us was ready for the ways God challenged our motives and our understanding of Him. We left with lots to process and think through before we’ll be ready to adopt.

I wanted to adopt kids in order to have a picture of the Gospel right here in our family. One of the things God challenged me with this weekend is that there ought to be pictures of the Gospel evidenced in every piece of the way we live and do family already. If I am solely relying on adopting a child to paint the picture of the Gospel for us, we’re not living in the realities of it now. If I want to add a child who doesn’t look like us or talk like us, if I want to rescue an orphan just as a bridge into Gospel conversation, I am failing right now in talking about the truth of Jesus in the ways He asks us to. Adopting is a powerful way to show a tangible picture of the God who loves the hurting, the outcast, and the weak. But God has given us untold opportunities to love like He does each day.

In one of the main sessions, Russell Moore spoke about how we use things like adoption to make ourselves feel better before God and better than others as a means of self-justification. I know that part of my prideful, selfish heart wanted to use adoption as one more way to prove my spiritual superiority to others, as if to say, “We really get God’s heart. Look at these little orphans we’ve taken in. If you were as spiritual as we, you would adopt or foster too.” The truth of the Gospel obliterates such pride. It reminds me that I was bad enough that Jesus HAD to die, yet he loved me enough to do it willingly. The only reason we have any desire to adopt is because He has first adopted us. If he had not made us his children, I would commit atrocities FAR worse than those folks who abandon children.

Jedd Medefind’s talk was really helpful in causing us to count the cost. He spoke about how the kingdom of God’s invades the darkness of the world. In that collision, lots of mess is created: “Every adoption begins with tragedy.” This journey will not be easy, but it will be filled with countless moments of beauty and joy.

More than anything else, I was struck again with the depth of God’s love, both for orphans of the world and for former spiritual orphans like me. I realized the fear I live in, a fear that Andrew Peterson articulates so well, “It’s the fear that I’ll fall one too many times. It’s the fear that His love is no better than mine.”

But it is better that mine. There is no failing, no falling that can keep it from us. And that love compels us toward adoption and to proclaim the message of spiritual adoption. The only valid reason and motivation for adoption is the glory of the One who took us in when we were abandoned, hopeless, helpless, and dead. The only well from which we can draw the patience, power, and love we need to sustain us through the pain of adoption is the love of the One who loves us first and loves us best. The only hope we have for being the kind of people who can further then kingdom of God through adoption is to crucify our agendas, our egos, and even our ideas of ministry on the cross of the One who paid the price for our adoption.

Interesting take on the Prosperity Gospel

Thoughts?

I read a lot, probably too much sometimes. I tend to fly through books just so I can say I completed them without savoring what’s in them or thinking through the implications of them in all the ways I should. Despite my natural tendency, all these books were ones that I find myself talking about, chewing on, mulling over, and thinking through. I commend them all to you.

9. A Fighter’s Heart: One Man’s Journey Through the World of Fighting
by Sam Sheridan

Sheridan, a Harvard grad, dives deep into the world of mixed martial arts. He studies with kick boxers in Thailand, jiu jitsu practitioners in Brazil, dog fighters in the Philippines, Olympic boxers in L.A., and UFC fighters in Iowa. Through it all, he explores both the psychology and physiology of the sport. He strikes a balance of respect for the fighters with questions about their motives and achievements. In the end, he creates a fascinating look at the life of fighters around the world.

8. Peace Like a River
by Leif Enger

My heart is pretty soft to stories about the relationship between men and their sons, but even if it wasn’t, this story would have kept my attention. Leif Enger spins a masterful tale about the Land family: the invincible father, the asthmatic youngest son, the mischievous tomboy daughter, and the outlaw older brother. Their story is filled with miracles, adventure, and the wonders of the Wild West.

7. Just Do Something
by Kevin DeYoung

DeYoung wrote this book as a reaction against a culture filled with options that sometimes paralyze us. I know so many people who seem stuck in indecision, waiting for months and years to find God’s will for their lives is. DeYoung’s counsel is that we walk in wisdom, live in God’s moral will and choose to do something. His book is funny, practical, and simple. Overall, it’s a great entry-level book on God’s will.

6. The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner’s Semester at America’s Holiest University
by Kevin Roose

What happens when a Brown student sets out to write an expose about life at one of America’s most conservative Christian colleges? Maybe not what you think. I expected Kevin Roose’s book to be filled with indictments about the ridiculousness and hypocrisy of Liberty University. Instead, he effuses about the respect and camaraderie he feels with students whose worldviews differ greatly from his. This is a great read for anyone wondering how much of the secular world views evangelicals and their discipleship ideals.

5. Notes From The Tilt-A-Whirl
by N.D. Wilson

This is a hard book to describe. It’s an odd mix of apologetics, narrative, metaphor, and stream-of-consciousness writing. One other reviewer said, “His writing in Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl from Thomas Nelson Publishers evokes emotion like the best fiction, scratches the brain like the best philosophy, and stirs a love for Creator and creation like the best theology.” I can’t say it better.

4. The Prodigal God
by Tim Keller

In my eyes, no one presents the truth of the Good News of Jesus Christ in a fresher, more compelling way than Keller. In this book, he takes the parable of the Prodigal Son and casts it in a different light. He argues that both brothers rebelled against their father and that both of them needed his grace more than they knew. Keller goes on to describe how we avoid God through both idolatry and religion, or through both being bad and being good. He paints a beautiful picture of the love and grace of the Savior.

3. Total Church
by Steve Timmis and Tim Chester

At the heart of church should be a dual commitment to the Gospel and to the Christian community, so argue Timmis and Chester in this fine little book. They challenge readers to evaluate every aspect of church life in light of these two commitments. The result is a book that calls readers to be the church in the world. I will be implementing the lessons contained in this book for the rest of my life.

2. How People Change
by Ted Tripp

I label very few books as “must reads,” but Tripp’s book qualifies in every way. It’s a primer on how to apply the Gospel to every area of life. Tripp’s premise is that our reactions reveal our hearts and what we really trust in. When we respond to people and circumstances in an ungodly way, we prove that we trust in something other than the Gospel. When we show fruit that honors Christ, we prove that we functionally trust in Christ. This is a phenomenal resource for anyone looking to change or help others do so.

1. When Sinners Say I Do
by Dave Harvey

There are really two kinds of Christian marriage books. One kind says, “Do this for them and they will do that for you.” It’s glorified selfishness wrapped in Christian language. The other kind says, “Marriage is first and foremost about you growing into the image of Christ and helping your spouse do the same.” Obviously, Dave Harvey’s book falls into the second category. I read about a dozen marriage book before Sarah and I married, and this is my favorite by far. Harvey asserts that the Gospel gives us both the power to live like Christ in marriage and the example for how to do so. This book is filled with simple but revolutionary insights about how to glorify God as a couple.