Playing the Pregnant Card
After sitting at my desk for several hours one day last week, I looked down to discover that I was wearing brown fleece-lined mocs with my black dress pants. Oops. While I would like to justifiably blame my mismatched shoes on the malady most people term “pregnancy brain,” the truth is that I probably am no more forgetful or clumsy than I was several months ago.
In the first trimester, I really was sick all the time, and I still find it hard to believe that grilled chicken and vegetable soup could elicit such a violent response from my body. I grew acclimated to eating whatever didn’t make me sick (there weren’t many things on the list). However, even after starting to feel better again, I have no qualms with eating large amounts of french fries and cinnamon rolls. The truth is that I always love to eat french fries and cinnamon rolls, but now I have an excuse that many consider justifiable.
I’m great at justifying things I want to do, and not just in pregnancy. Justification as I like to use it, however, is frequently just a fancy way of shifting blame for my poor choices to something seemingly out of my control. Unfortunately most of my blame-shifting has much uglier manifestations than an affinity for unhealthy food. God has made me much more aware of my own ability to just take responsibility for things I do. Even if the environmental factors are out of my control (a person’s words or attitudes to me, for example), my response is entirely mine.
So, I’m doing my best to avoid blame shifting the ugly words and attitudes that pop out so often, and I probably should make an effort to eat a little better too. That isn’t to say that I am giving up french fries, but more often than not, I should probably attribute my food choices to personal preference instead of inescapable biological realities.
Hmmmm, I wonder if I should brave the snow to make happy hour at Sonic. I’m craving I sure do love Diet Vanilla Coke…
And then there’s that…a summary of a crazy day
Today comprised a series of episodes, each that could demand their own blog entry or photo recap. In favor of being brief, here are the highlights:
7:30 a.m. - We shared a blueberry pancake breakfast with out some friends from out of town, during which we were able to talk through some exciting things about future directions.
3:30 p.m. - We’re no the road to visit our friends Nate and Haley, and I feel Jack kicking. Jerry gets to feel him with one hand on my belly, one hand holding his cell phone, and one knee very firmly guiding the steering wheel.
5:30 p.m. - Dinner at a random Chinese restaurant where we enjoyed talking to the staff.
7:45 p.m. - While Jerry is dozing in the passenger seat, we get a flat. As we get out of the car in freezing temps, we realize we’ve stopped where every cow in Indiana does their business. It stinks.
8:10 p.m. - We’re back on the road.
8:11 p.m. - Remember the scene in Tommy Boy where the hood of the car flips up and flies into the windshield while they swerve all over the road? No, I’m not making this up. We just re-enacted it. For some reason, we popped the hood when we stopped and never latched it back.
8:12 p.m. - We’re trying to make the hood fit back where it once went without much success. At least the cracks in the windshield aren’t too bad.
8:45 p.m. - After a stop at the gas station where Jerry was banging car parts back into place with a hammer, we’re back on the road with a donut tire in the back and a bungee cord holding down our contorted car hood.
9:30 p.m. - We made it, and finally got to enjoy the company of friends we love. God really is good to us.
Bringing Change
This one is coming to you from Freeway Ford in Houston. We should have been on the road back to Missouri a few hours ago, but if you’ve ever taken a van full of people on a ridiculously long road trip… well, you know things never quite work out the way they should.
This week our plans have changed a lot, as they often do on trips like this. At times, I’ve asked, “Well, if I didn’t get to do what I thought I would be doing, why did I even come?” But, in the midst of it all, we’ve had many conversations that have been really helpful and equipping in ministry back where we live.
A pastor we’ve been working with is doing some simple, yet awesome ministry in some of the roughest neighborhoods, starting after-school programs and Bible studies in apartment complexes. Another ministry we worked with has a pretty long record of helping the homeless.
One question we keep asking ourselves is how we bring help that isn’t just one-time charity, but is also transformational. Not that giving something alone is wrong (I think it is commanded in scripture), but it’s not the end-all of what we should be doing. It doesn’t adequately reflect the gospel if we merely do drive-by handouts.
We’ve had lots of conversations with the team this week about how we can do more to meet physical and spiritual needs in the neediest places of our own community, but there is much to learn. I look forward to continuing the conversation as we keep learning how to better serve those around us.
The Joys of Houston
Jerry and I are in Houston this week with a group of students. Yesterday, we heard a pastor talk about how our disappointments (and changed schedules) are often God’s divine appointments (ie, he has other plans). Today offered ample opportunity for us to see that in motion, as our plans changed several times, and I look forward to sharing later in the week some of the awesome ways a local pastor is walking in obedience and seeing transformation come to some of the worst neighborhoods in the city.
On a not-so-serious note, I’ve heard Jerry talk about “the glory of the taco truck” for quite some time, and today I got to experience the joy for myself. I won’t lie. It was tasty. Rumor is I might have gone back for another helping, but I can neither confirm or deny this report.
Rearview Perspectives
Every new year brings with it obligatory reflection on the past year. While it is not prudent to dwell on the past, I do see great benefits of reflection and anticipation.
Last year I journaled, “I don’t know what will unfold in the year ahead, but I do rejoice in knowing I can pen the same line at the end of 2009 - He is faithful.” Oh, how he is. It gives great context and grounding in the daily battles to know that at the end of the year, my rearview perspective of the mountaintops and the valleys will see that he was faithful.
To be honest, I thought this year was going to be a suck-it-up-and-get-through it kind of year for Jerry and I. Everything we thought was supposed to happen quickly unraveled through some very confusing circumstances. We found ourselves living in a place we didn’t want to live, thousands of miles from the ministry we feel called to in life, learning some lessons about submission and trust that we would rather just read about in a book than walk through in life.
At the beginning of the year, God led me to focus on passages similar to I Samuel 15:22 (and surrounding) about how he desires obedience more than sacrifice. In the process, I had a multitude of opportunities to choose joyful obedience, even when it didn’t seem to make sense and the immediate results were not what I wanted.
Frustration was the dominate feeling in the midst of many situations, but looking back I see blessing, not bitterness. Somehow the frustrating people, decisions and circumstances are a bit fuzzy, but the great blessings have floated to the top. I see times of great spiritual growth and learning. I see the joy of finally living on the same side of the world as Jerry. I see the awesome mixture of family and friends who celebrated our wedding with us. I see God’s provision of job, house and car. I see new life in the form of our soon-to-be-born baby boy. I see a new church family where I am learning so much about how the body should work.
I’m choosing gratitude, and I pray I continue to grow in joyful obedience in response to all that Christ has done for us. I do not know what will unfold in the year ahead, bud I do rejoice in knowing I can pen the same line at the end of 2010 - He is faithful.
My Top Nine Books of 2009
I read a lot, probably too much sometimes. I tend to fly through books just so I can say I completed them without savoring what’s in them or thinking through the implications of them in all the ways I should. Despite my natural tendency, all these books were ones that I find myself talking about, chewing on, mulling over, and thinking through. I commend them all to you.
9. A Fighter’s Heart: One Man’s Journey Through the World of Fighting
by Sam Sheridan
8. Peace Like a River
by Leif Enger
7. Just Do Something
by Kevin DeYoung
6. The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner’s Semester at America’s Holiest University
by Kevin Roose
5. Notes From The Tilt-A-Whirl
by N.D. Wilson
4. The Prodigal God
by Tim Keller
3. Total Church
by Steve Timmis and Tim Chester
2. How People Change
by Ted Tripp
1. When Sinners Say I Do
by Dave Harvey
Where It Stops, Nobody Knows
Welcome. I’m back. We’re back.
I haven’t blogged since the day prior to our wedding, but not because life hasn’t offered a slew of blog-worthy topics. I just haven’t written much about anything, privately or publicly.
Perhaps part of that silence stemmed from a disorientation of the heart that came with an onslaught of drastic life changes. In the span of 6 weeks, I moved to America, got married, honeymooned, moved to Missouri, started a new job, and began attending a new church.
Reading that list sounds more traumatic than living the list actually was. But even when change is positive, it takes some time before the vision clears enough to figure out where the merry-go-round let you off.
Geographically, it let us off in a tiny, uneventful town in middle America.
Demographically, Jerry and I are adjusting to married life and are expecting a baby in May.
Spiritually, the vision is still a little blurry, but God is as faithful as ever.
Ecclesiastically, we’re in a relatively young and growing church where we are learning much and seeking to live life with great intentionality.
Relationally, we miss our friends and colleagues overseas greatly, but have been greatly blessed to quickly meet some fantastic people here whom we also love.
Last year at this time, neither Jerry or I thought we’d be living in America right now. And, we don’t expect to be in America indefinitely. But, here we are. And as long as we are here, I aspire to walk with purpose and obedience.
So, welcome to a new chapter of the blog to follow a new chapter of life. I’m glad to have you along for the journey.
PS. If you are reading this on facebook, our new blog is at: jerryandsarah.com. We’ll continue to pull in our entries on facebook too.